Is Rest Really Achievable for Tired Parents?
Before I was a mum, I thought I was busy. I thought I knew what tiredness was. Goodness was I naive! From the moment our little ones come into the world, it becomes very apparent that our lives will never again be our own. After a tiring day of work, I begin my next job; homework, dinner, cleaning up, making packed lunches, bath time and bedtime. And just when you think it’s time for a well deserved rest, there’s the washing, the cleaning, the groceries and the dog walking. The to do list is never-ending!
It can feel like there is no time for rest. We all need it and crave it. But parenting is a non-stop 24/7 job. It seems the only way to truly rest is to get away for a fancy spa weekend - a lovely idea, but hardly realistic! There has to be time in our daily, weekly lives which leave space for rest. How can we meet the needs of our children, yet maintaining our own mental wellbeing and fulfilling our need for rest? I would be lying if I said I had it all sorted, because I don’t. Here are some ideas of how to incorporate rest into your daily life:
Put Your Phone To Bed
Just as we need rest from work and housework, arguably, we need rest from our phones too. I’ve wasted endless evenings scrolling social media, catching up on the latest news, browsing dream holiday destinations and having a nosy at the latest houses to go on the market. I rarely feel well rested and rejuvenated after this. Instead, my head is filled with a million ideas, making it difficult to switch off when I finally get into bed. I look at Instagram and I am bombarded with images of picture perfect families, in picture perfect show homes with not a single basket of laundry in sight. Instead of winding down, anxiety is setting in, as I mull over how I could never measure up to their unattainable standards. The blue light on screens can also negatively impact our ability to sleep, throwing our natural body clock, out of rhythm - bad news for those in need of rest! What if we put our phones to bed when we put our kids to bed? Resist the urge to reach for it and choose to do something which will contribute positively to your well-being. For me, this takes real discipline, but the results are well worth it.
Find Time For Something You Love
It’s natural to become so consumed with the needs of our children, that we can neglect the things we love. The daily tasks associated with parenting can become monotonous and repetitive. Having a hobby is an ideal way to wind down and rest your mind. This could be running, baking, crafting, reading… basically, anything you love! To make it a priority and make sure it happens, you need to be intentional in scheduling it. If you wait until you have completed all of your other chores, it will never happen! I swim 2-3 times per week. I need to go super early in the morning before everyone is up to fit it in. I don’t always feel like going, I am not a morning person at all, but I have developed a discipline in going. After my swims, I feel awake, alert and a little less stressed, ready to take on a demanding day. Although I am a parent, I am not only a parent. Doing the things I love, helps me to hold onto who I am. I may not have as much time for them, but I need to purposeful in making time for them.
Have a Defined Family Rest Time
In the Bible, the Israelites practiced ‘sabbath’. This word may have old fashioned, out of date connotations for you, but bear with me. Whether you have faith or not, I think we can all agree that rest is a human necessity. We all have our limitations and we all need rest. Sabbath was a clearly defined 24 hour period where work ceased and people were expected to rest. We have tried to adopt this into the ethos of our home from Saturday evening until Sunday evening. This does not mean that we simply stop parenting during these 24 hours, far from it. Our home simply takes on a different rhythm. We begin with a family meal on Saturday evening (usually our family favourite - pizza). Following this, we have family movie night, no mobile phones allowed. Sunday morning and afternoon are slower paced than the rest of the week. We prioritise meeting with family, walks, cycles and ice cream. We steer clear of non-urgent work during this time. That means no laundry, no ironing, no cleaning, no checking emails - it can wait. Sure, it takes a certain degree of organisation to achieve this, but as we have developed this discipline in our home, our family bond has become stronger and we in turn, have been better rested, equipped to take on a new week.
Shake Off The Mum Guilt
When I take time off, do something on my own or pause the housework in aid of rest, it doesn’t take very long for the mum guilt to sneak in. I feel like I must always be doing something productive for my family, otherwise I am not a good enough mum; that by resting, I am somehow neglecting the needs of my family. I am learning to shake off this attitude. In order to give the best to my family, I need to also give the best to myself. This is not selfish or lazy, but in the right balance, it is necessary. Children’s author Carol McCloud, talks about being a ‘bucket filler’. She views our wellbeing as being a ‘bucket’. We contribute to our children’s ‘buckets’ through the love and nurture which we give. Buckets cannot be filled from empty buckets. Taking care of our own wellbeing is not lazy. It is not selfish. It is necessary for the wellbeing of our whole family.
Rest can seem like a distant dream for many parents. We often yearn for our younger days when a good night’s sleep was taken for granted and our alarm clocks were set a little later. But rest is not unachievable for parents. We don’t have an abundance of it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have any. In order to achieve it, we must be purposeful and intentional in achieving it. In doing so both we and our families will reap the rewards.