Table Time - Carving Out the Most Precious Time of the Day
I teach full time. The day is busy and emotionally draining. When I get home from work, all I want to do is put my feet up. If only! Instead I'm thrown headfirst into homeworks, making dinner and preparing lunches for the next day. Family life is hectic!
Sitting at the kitchen island in the middle of it all is my son. He hasn't seen me since this morning. Finally we are home together, but his mum is rushing around trying to sort all of the necessary things. Where is the time for him? Busy lifestyles mean we yearn for convenience. It would be easier to just grab a quick bite in the midst of the hustle and bustle. But in doing so, we miss out vital table time.
The dinner table is a precious place in our house. At dinner time, we sit around the table. We put away phones and our son knows to scold those who try to bring phones to the table (even his extended family)! It is a time for talking. For being together. For sharing the ups and downs of our day together. The idea of family time around the table sounds lovely. Perhaps a bit idealistic? Let me be honest with you, it is not as Insta-perfect as it sounds! We are constantly dishing out reminders to stay in the seat and to eat up. There are spills, things fall on the floor and food that has been lovingly prepared is sometimes refused! There are tears, there are huffs and there are occasional stressful moments! I hear stories about people who feed the kids then have a proper sit down meal with their other half when the kids are tucked up in bed. This is tempting for sure and we do this occasionally when we have a date night. But to do this every night, would take away a central family experience. Table time is a messy experience, but also a beautiful one.
Table time allows us to talk; to really talk. Our best conversations as a family, happen when we are around the table, with no other motive than to be together. Once established, table time gives kids a safe space to talk about things which are bothering them. In a world where teenage anxiety is on the increase, they need a place where they know they will be listened to and valued. They know this time is marked out for them and won't be disrupted by external things. For the little ones, it develops good conversation skills through listening to others talk and learning not to interrupt.
Independence skills are learned at the dinner table. This is where you can best model table manners to your child such as using a knife and fork, saying "please" and "thank you" and staying in your seat until everyone is finished. This can be so frustrating in the little years and can make dinner time feel stressful. But the benefits far outweigh the difficulties. Focus on the bigger picture. Putting in the time to developing good table manners when children are little, will pay off massively in the years to come.
Here are 6 ways to develop table time in your home:
Time block your dinner time. Make sure there is clearly defined, protected time for your table time. Even if you can't manage it everyday, aim for a few dinners together each week. Define a set amount of time for dinner to give unhindered time to table time. There is nothing worse than having dinner when someone at the table is rushing their food to get to a meeting or an event.
Have a no technology rule. Table time is family time. You cannot be fully focused on family while focusing on a screen. If you are looking at the top of the head of the person opposite you, they are not fully engaging with you. It sends an unsaid message that they do not value spending time with you. As tempting as it may be, try to avoid bringing an iPad to restaurants. We want to teach our children good table manners and that starts now. Children who think it's ok to watch Netflix at dinner, will grow into teenagers who think it's ok to Snapchat at dinner and will grow into adults who think it's ok to scroll Facebook at dinner.
Encourage positive conversation at the dinner table. It is not a time to bring up your child's temper tantrum earlier in the day, or to argue about a contentious issue. If something negative comes up in the conversation, agree to park it, to be discussed at another time. Talk to your kids about their day. Share something about your day. Spend the time wisely by working on your relationship. The dinner table should be a place where kids know they are valued and listened to.
Involve the whole family in the preparation. Children need to understand and value the work that goes into a family meal. It should not be a one-man-band, but a team effort. Depending on their age, involve them in setting the table, preparing the vegetables, pouring drinks or clearing up afterwards.
Be consistent. To have real and lasting impact, table time cannot be a random event, or one which is reserved for special occasions. To have true authenticity, it must be woven into the weekly routine of family life. What you prioritise will reveal what you value most in life.
Welcome others to your table. We need to teach our children to be hospitable to others. I often think, "I'll invite people round when the house is a bit tidier/ when I'm less busy/ when I'm off work." Hospitality does not need to come with bells and whistles on. Inviting others into your home regardless of the mess, teaches our children to be kind to others, to put someone else's needs before their own.
Carving out time for family meals can be a challenge. I would be lying if I said that every meal in my home is a beautiful picture of everyone eating delicious homemade food over good conversation. But I wouldn't change anything about it. Family life isn't perfect, but it is precious. I want to capture as much time as possible with my family right now, as we are, around our tiny little dining table.